COACH CASS
The greatest thing that I’ve realized is when we learn from relationships is, one, from romantic comedies. What is that?

JAMES
Wow.

COACH CASS
Right?

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
Right? [Laughter] Right?

JAMES
Hooh!

COACH CASS
Come on. Or your parents which--

ROB
Which can be a horrible or great example.

COACH CASS
Exactly.

JAMES
Or mixed value.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
Which is probably the third option.

COACH CASS
Or just whatever you make up in your head. So it’s literally--

JAMES
Or Disney movies.

COACH CASS
Oh Disney movies. [Laughter]
ROB
Yeah, Disney. Those ones, yeah.

COACH CASS
Listen to me. I was just watching a certain princess. I’m like, “Is she 16? Did she just say she was 16 and now she’s getting swept off her feel after three days?” -- Rob Richardson with James Keys and Coach Cass

----------------------

ROB RICHARDSON
Welcome to Disruption Now. I’m Rob Richardson. With me, as always, my man who’s been helping me, co-partner, leader -- I’ll call it like I see it -- James Keys. -- How are you doing, brother?

JAMES
I’m doing great, man. How about yourself?

ROB
Hey man, couldn’t be any better. We are here with our special guess, Coach Cass.

COACH CASS
Woo-hoo!

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
So excited to be here. Hey, guys.

ROB
How are you doing?

COACH CASS
Hi, guys. I’m doing well.

ROB
Love Dr. Love Coach. I don’t know how--

COACH CASS
Hey--

ROB
All those things you got to--

COACH CASS
All of the above.

ROB
Always love, right? So we are talking about… You know, we focus a lot of disruption now, about disrupting common narratives and constructs, so I want to talk about sisters, Black love and try very hard not to get myself in trouble. But it’s disrupting. [Laughter] So we’re going to go ahead and get ourselves a little bit of trouble. That’s okay.

COACH CASS
Just a little bit.

ROB
Just a little bit. Just a little bit.

COACH CASS
Okay.

JAMES
Just walk the line.

ROB
Yeah, offline and maybe tiptoe and maybe cross a little bit. Your kind of target market has been kind of… you know, people that are looking for love, focused on their career, maybe have a divorce. What do you see with that profile of a person, of a woman? What do you see as their biggest challenge, initially, when they come in to your office? Coach Cass, what do you hear most often?

COACH CASS
Oh, “All the good men are missing.”

ROB
Oh yeah. Where are they at?

COACH CASS
“They’re all taken.” You know, “They’re all… Like, “They’re hiding under a rock.” Especially like [coat or vault - 02:15] that I keep good men is usually what they’re looking for, you know. Once we get past that--

You know, what I find as one of the biggest limitations is the need to control -- the need to control. You know, we’re talking about high-powered women that have been through business, get things done, do things a certain way.
You know, in relationship, it’s a give and take.

ROB
It’s a give and take.

COACH CASS
“If you don’t fold the clothes that I like the way you fold the clothes then you might have to go,” right?

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
So how do you start to release control in just one area of your life because remember, these ladies control every single thing. So now as a man, do you really want to be controlled by your woman?

JAMES
It has to be a voluntary release also. It can’t be somebody takes the control.

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
You have to offer that control.

COACH CASS
Exactly.

JAMES
So I’m sure, if you used to control everything, how do you turn over just one [inaudible - 03:09]?

COACH CASS
Mm.

ROB
Like, “How can I find the…” There’s [inaudible - 03:14] price shouldn’t be. [Laughter]

[CROSSTALKING – INDISCERNIBLE] [03:17]

ROB
Hey. But look, this is me going through having dated plenty of powerful sisters and… I love powerful sisters, by the way.

COACH CASS
Yes.

ROB
Love it because I consider myself powerful so why go out and meet someone who’s not powerful?

JAMES
Yeah. Yeah.

ROB
However, there’s that challenge and I’ve seen that play out. Like when I’m in business, I get to say, “Okay, we’re doing XYZ.” We have everything lined up. I think, “Okay, [across - 03:44] the line, you’re up that way.” I’m like… you know.

I’m not the type… I’ve learned… this is part of growing up and having gone through, I can say… I’ve gone through a divorce so I’ve gone through a failure. It’s never one person. I think it’s always both. But that experience has taught me how to react better. Like I’ve pulled myself out of those situations [laughter] without engaging into conflict.

COACH CASS
Mm-hmm.

ROB
And I found that they were surprised when that happened. And I’ll ask you a question for me. Like, how do you… I don’t feel like I can give advice to people about why I failed but I think it should be obvious. Like [laughter] how do you--

COACH CASS
Listen, we can’t make assumptions, right? All of us didn’t take a class in college about love and relationship.

ROB
None of us did. That would be a very helpful class.

COACH CASS
Right? Exactly.

ROB
They should teach that in the university.

COACH CASS
Yes.

JAMES
[Inaudible - 04:33] teaching that.

COACH CASS
Oh you’re right. You’re right.

ROB
Yeah. [Laughter]

[CROSSTALKING – INDISCERNIBLE] [04:36]

COACH CASS
There are professors and leaders in every subject, right?

JAMES
That’s true. That’s true.

COACH CASS
Professional professors and then nothing in the field. The greatest thing that I’ve realized is when we learn from relationship is, one, from romantic comedies. What is that?

JAMES
Wow.

COACH CASS
Right?

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
Right?

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
Right? [Laughter] Right?

JAMES
Hooh!

COACH CASS
Come on. Or your parents which--
ROB
Which can be a horrible or great example.

COACH CASS
Exactly.

JAMES
Or mixed value.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
Which is probably the third option.

COACH CASS
Or just whatever you make up in your head.

JAMES
Or Disney movies.

COACH CASS
Oh Disney movies. [Laughter]

ROB
Yeah, Disney. Those ones, yeah.

COACH CASS
Listen to me. I was just watching a certain princess. I’m like, “Is she 16? Did she just say she was 16 and now she’s getting swept off her feet after three days?” Like this is so [weird - 05:19]. I watch those things and I’m like, “Ooh, hallelujah. I need to create something different,” right? Like, “It’s just not it.” So just looking at all of that, we can’t fault people anymore, right?

JAMES
Right, mm-hmm.

COACH CASS
So that’s why I exist because just like when it comes to making money, if you never saw the example and you’re not a child genius, how are you supposed to know, right?

JAMES
Right.

COACH CASS
There are some people we know that live right down the street that only know McDonald’s lifestyle. And that’s all they know.

ROB
Right.

JAMES
Right.

COACH CASS
And they live across the street from the beach lap of luxury, two different mindset just because they’re not exposed. So for me, yes, I did choose a very hard niche to get into women who are focused on their career, want love but they are scared of it all at the same time.

ROB
When you talk about being used to something, I think what people fail to appreciate is that once a habit is built up in your mind, it literally sets a pathway. A nerve pathway is built and it is set there. The longer it's been there, the longer it's there and you have to--

COACH CASS
Disrupt it.

ROB
Right -- disrupt it; create a new habit. And it's hard for your brain to do that because it keeps wanting to go back to the default of what it's used to. So people are used to having unhealthy toxic relationships, right? They think, “This is how a relationship is supposed to work.”

COACH CASS
Exactly.

ROB
Your brain has been used to that so that if it says, “Okay, if I’m not getting this from a relationship, there must be something wrong.” I like to talk to you that because I think that's a challenge for men and women. -- I’ll let you go, coach.

COACH CASS
All right. So--

ROB
You got to take a sip for that one.

COACH CASS
Right. That was a sip. Mm-hmm, sipping on my tea.

So we end up in these cycles when it comes to relationships. And it comes to a point where you start to feel like, “Wait a second. I feel like I’m in the same relationship over and over again just a different head.” Now it takes a true evolutionary person to say, “Well who's the common denominator?” Right? So that's what happened to me. So for me, I was the common denominator.

I remember I was dating this guy that I thought was the one. I thought this guy was it. Yes, we’re getting married, invested in business, traveled the world. Valentine's Day, filled my office with all types of flowers and toys and what… Not those types of toys. I’m just saying stuffed animals and such, right? [Laughter]

JAMES
What’s wrong with those types of toys?

COACH CASS
Right. Right. Right.

ROB
Coach, we don’t judge. We’re all listening. Go ahead.

COACH CASS
So one Christmas Eve, I get a call from a mutual friend. He said, “Hey Cass, are you sitting?” Like, “What’s up? Merry Christmas.” He’s said, “That’s not why I’m calling.” “What’s going on?” “Oh you know that guy that you think is the one?” “Yeah. What about him?” “He’s married.”

JAMES
Oh.

COACH CASS
Hallelujah. So as a Christian woman, I had to walk away from that relationship. But how many of us have been in a relationship and then not leave us? Nobody's calling me to say how stupid I am but yet every morning, that was the first thought that I had. That's the thought I had to take every single day.

ROB
You knew but didn't probably want to acknowledge it.

COACH CASS
Oh that, okay. So 2020, hindsight, so you look back and like, “Oh is that why those conversations in the bathroom was so long? Oh is that why he didn't pick up sometimes,” which was still crazy, like what kind of marriage do you have if you're at my house when it was… right? Anyway, so looking back, I was like, “This is bananas.”

My defining moment came when I had like my 29th wedding invitation. I was like, “Wait a second. Is everybody getting married?” You know, it didn't matter the age, the stage, the race, the weight -- it didn’t matter. So okay, something's got to give. I’m going to become a “[soon-to-love - 08:41]” and then nothing happened. How many times do we say, “I’m going to do something” and then crickets. Nothing happens.

JAMES
Right.

ROB
So for me, I kept getting into toxic relationship after toxic relationship and I was just like, “Okay, I really need to invest in my love life. Just like I invest in my business, just like I invest in my fitness, just like I invest in my travel, I’ll invest in my love life.” And so then now that has created the journey.

I’ve read almost a hundred books on love. I went to marriage conferences as a single woman. You know those cut-outs where you put your face in?

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
So it was my face with the bride and the groom was just empty. Everybody was like, “Where’s the groom, Cass?” “He’s coming. He’s coming. He’s coming.”

So I’ve interviewed couples who’ve been married for over 25 years and actually still liked each other because like what we’re talking about--

ROB
They still like each other, yeah.

COACH CASS
Right?

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
I knew a lot of married couples but they weren't selling this thing called “Marriage” at all.

ROB
They didn’t tell the truth. Most people that are in this… At least half, right?

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
Just look at the stats. Half is in divorce and the other half are not happy with their other half. [Laughter]

COACH CASS
Right. So I literally had to go far and wide across the country in terms of conversations with people that actually still like each other.

Then I interviewed successful women who had success in business and in love -- because there's a limiting belief that I had that you couldn't do both at the same time. It’s like, “Oh I got to focus on my money because then… Love is going to mess that up.” So they helped me to clear that all up.

So then that's what has brought me to where I am. I attracted an amazing man, my husband, beautiful baby girl. And now I realized so many women are like stumbling into relationships where they're settling. We all know somebody in like a settling type of situation.

ROB
Yeah. Men do it, too.

COACH CASS
Right?

JAMES
People do.

ROB
People do.

COACH CASS
People do, right? There’s a lot of people [dumb - 10:25] of settling or another side, they’re like, “[Inaudible - 10:28] when it comes” and then waiting for this magic fairy dust without admitting it, right? We want the romantic comedy but it's not happening. There's nothing funny about the situation.

ROB
What's the balance to that? Well I have two questions.

COACH CASS
You got to focus on it. Think about anything amazing you've done in your life. Has it happened by half a chance or has it happened with focus? Has it happened with a plan? Has it happened with intent? Has it happened, would you say, “Okay, this is something that I want in this world and I’m going to go for it”? Like when it comes to fitness, do you just say, “I’m going to be healthy today” and it just happens by osmosis? No.

ROB
But love is a little more… If I can challenge this.

COACH CASS
Challenge me.

ROB
I will challenge you.

COACH CASS
Here we go.

ROB
It seems like the most important thing in finding someone that is compatible with you is to understand you. Is that wrong?

COACH CASS
No, it’s not.

ROB
That seems like an internal journey.

COACH CASS
It is an internal journey.

ROB
Let’s talk about that part. And the second part I like… And then I have another follow-up. How do you go about evaluating self-awareness because to me, that was… That’s been my journey. I’ll say I had unrealistic expectations to what I really wanted. And then what I should want, it will actually work for me. I’m talking for me.

JAMES
Introspection is very difficult.

COACH CASS
Oh yes.

ROB
It is.

JAMES
You would think people are looking a lot like… if they’re looking at stars tingling miles away.

COACH CASS
Mm-hmm.

ROB
Look, they do. They like look at everybody else.

[CROSSTALKING -- INDISCERNIBLE] [11:52]

ROB
People are like, “You failed in your relationship.”

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
What about you?

JAMES
Yeah, it’s hard turning inside.

COACH CASS
I have an event called the “Success in Love” where I walk women -- sorry, guys -- women through a step…

ROB
It’s okay.

COACH CASS
…and plus that process called “The Real Love Roadmap.” So Real -- start with R in “Reality check,” right? So we got into a reality check of what you’ve been through and what has been the theme there and what has been the patterns there? And who broke up with who? And who has been the ones to steer these relationships?

I specifically think of a client that I had where she realized she married every serious relationship that she had. And the reason why is because she was raised as a good church girl, that you don't sleep around.

ROB
Oh yeah. There you go.

COACH CASS
So once she had sex with somebody, she was like, “We’ll get married.”

ROB
Get married.

JAMES
Wow.

COACH CASS
“We just have to get married…”

ROB
Yeah, that’s not a good [inaudible - 12:39].

COACH CASS
…and that’s it. Not at all, right? And this is somebody who is 53. They realized that [they were - 12:44] working together, right?

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
So we have some toxic things that we embed into our relationship with expectations. I have a book that I always recommend. It’s by Dr. Robin L. Smith. It's called “Lies at the Altar.”

JAMES
Mm-hmm.

COACH CASS
Right?

ROB
There’s a lot in there.

COACH CASS
Yeah -- “Lies at the Altar.” So just imagine, there's Mary and John and they're going down the aisle -- doo-doo-doo. Mary’s over here saying, “Oh I’m so excited that John is going to get… He’s my best friend.” Well actually, Sam, my dog, is my best friend and Sam is going to sleep at the foot of the bed every night. Yeah, that conversation.

JAMES
Mm-hmm.

COACH CASS
John, “Oh I’m so excited about marrying Mary. Oh I’m so excited. She’s going to iron my shirts every Sunday.”

ROB
Yes, you better have that conversation.

COACH CASS
Right?

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
Exactly. But these are all those expectations that we have that we don’t have conversations about. And then we get surprised when we get in a relationship or in a marriage because we don't talk about what? What do we talk about when we get in a relationship? “Ooh you're so sexy.”

ROB
Yeah.

JAMES
Mm-hmm.

COACH CASS
“What do you want to eat? Where are we going? What are we doing tonight?” That's what relationships has become which is this so drab which is why I created the Love Deck. It's like, there are questions that you need to ask to really understand people. People don't have real in-depth conversations anymore.

ROB
Some people say… You have in the Love Deck, what's a question that… You got Love Deck questions.

COACH CASS
Oh my Love Deck questions.

ROB
We’ll put this up on the website to make sure people know.

COACH CASS
Okay. “What are your top four pet peeves?”

JAMES
Oh that’s good.

COACH CASS
Come on.

JAMES
My wife and I talk about this all the time.

COACH CASS
Come on.

JAMES
Well no, let me take--

COACH CASS
Come on.

JAMES
We call them “Deal-breakers.”

COACH CASS
Yes.

JAMES
We need to be aware of the things that can… because I’m not going to be different from other people.

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
So pet-peeves, whether it’s somebody that bites their nails or… because it could be stupid stuff.

COACH CASS
That turned out to be a pet-peeve of my husband’s.

JAMES
Really?

COACH CASS
So now I always have my nails done to make sure I don’t bite my nails. I used to be a nail-biter but I saw how much it hurts him.

JAMES
Yeah, yeah. But it’s little things like that because when you bite… I tell people about this all the time. Like, living with someone is difficult. You can have roommates, your friends, but it’s difficult.

ROB
Life is difficult.

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
Yeah. Well no -- anyone.

ROB
Your kids.

JAMES
Friends.

COACH CASS
Hallelujah. [Laughter]

JAMES
Oh man. And having friends like… If you spend as much time with your friends as you do with a potential mate, they would drive you crazy, nine times out of 10.

ROB
Yes.

JAMES
So that stuff--

ROB
You’d probably drive me crazy. Sorry. [Laughter]

COACH CASS
Well I can’t live with my best friend. We tried that.

JAMES
So the challenge--

ROB
I just visit him on weekends so [inaudible - 15:07]. That’s all I did. Go ahead.
JAMES
But the challenge is so great because we have such high expectations as far as what we think. One question I wanted to ask you, actually, before it gets away from me, it seems like… or I wonder if time, the way things have evolved, make things more difficult now because… For example, your client that was 53 then married every serious relationship she had, the fact that there are so many options now… Like if she lived in a small town with…

COACH CASS
She did.

JAMES
…of 500 people--

COACH CASS
Alabama.

JAMES
Well see, that kind of fits a little bit. But when you have options in the millions--

ROB
Yeah, your mind [is full of - 15:39] Instagram. Swipe left.

JAMES
Well perspective options whether they’re really options or not.

COACH CASS
But I still have ladies in Miami, they said there are no good men. So it’s about perspective, right? It really is.

JAMES
But don’t you… If you have so many more people that you at least think are options, does that change people’s calculations in terms of what they would be doing versus if they knew there was only 500 people and they knew everybody from high school?

COACH CASS
Yes, it really is a mindset thing. So it goes back to the introspection, right?

JAMES
Mm.

COACH CASS
So it’s just like the “glass half-empty” versus “glass half-full.” “Oh wow, there is an abundance of opportunity for me to make money,” so then I will make money versus, “Man, everybody took all the good ideas. I guess I’m going to go over here and work as a clerk at FedEx.”

ROB
Right.

JAMES
Wow.

COACH CASS
So it’s all about mindset. So “They’re no more good men” or “You know what? The one good man is out there and I’m going to connect with him.”

ROB
How are you evaluating the question of, “What does it mean to be a good man?” So let’s dive into that a little bit. What does that mean?

COACH CASS
Well right now, with the majority of my clients, is “consistency.”

ROB
That’s it?

COACH CASS
Right? That’s the biggest thing is consistency because you meet a guy--

ROB
Income doesn’t come up?

COACH CASS
Income does come up. So the biggest thing--

ROB
Oh yeah, we go to--

COACH CASS
Okay, the other biggest thing… Financial trust is a whole ‘nother conversation. And that is something for the women because many of them are divorced and they could have been wiped clean.

ROB
And many of them are becoming the breadwinners of… They’re the breadwinners in almost all these relationships most of the time.

COACH CASS
Right. And they don’t want to be taken advantage of. Most of the time, I tell them, don’t leave with their career. “Leave with who you are” because sometimes, we get so caught up and… “Well I’m the CEO” or the VP or the director of blah-blah-blah. It’s like you have on a job interview. You’re here to connect with someone that you could kick it.

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
Right? We’ll looking to kick it, right?

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
So on one side, yeah, you’re going to prove yourself in terms of finances to say, “Okay, well this is someone I can open up to” or “open up about” and you can at least hold your weight in terms of paying for dinner. You know what I mean?

ROB
Right. Yeah, yeah.

JAMES
Well is that a qualification or is that more so, “I need to see somebody who is serious”?

COACH CASS
So what I tell my women is you want somebody with a “growth mindset” versus a “fixed mindset.” So it's not about how much money you make but… Okay, so you could be a mechanic. You could work wherever. But do you have a growth mindset? I know you don't always read a book because it's hard to read books nowadays. But do you listen to--

ROB
We’re readers.

COACH CASS
I know. I’m talking about the general population of men, all right? So can you listen to a podcast? Can you listen to a YouTube video? If I sent you something, would you be open to listening to it?

JAMES
Interesting.

COACH CASS
Because remember, not everyone is open… or not everyone has been exposed to college, growth, reading, whatever, like in terms of real personal development. Not everybody.

ROB
And by the way, just because you've been to college doesn't mean you have a growth mindset.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

ROB
There’s a lot… other people that are fixed in their--

[CROSSTALKING – INDISCERNIBLE]

COACH CASS
I knew college. [Inaudible - 18:25] in college.

JAMES
Implicit in what you're saying though, what I think is very important is that the women you're dealing with have a growth mindset.

COACH CASS
Yes. Exactly. I just need to--

JAMES
And so there’s the synergy there, if they have that, they need to find somebody else that have that.

COACH CASS
Exactly. So he may not come to every personal development thing with you but is he open to hearing about it when you come back? Is he open to going to a councilor because at the end of the day, every relationships needs a tweak and a checkup and a maintenance call and a … whatever.

ROB
All the time.

COACH CASS
And when you choose to do just like, “I’m not going to listen to somebody else,” like “Hoh, ho, ho,” you’re in a real trouble.

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
Right, because we all have issues. I really believe that every couple needs a mentor or a couple that you could go to and have real deal conversation like, “This is what’s going on with us.”

ROB
We all [have - 19:05], yeah.

JAMES
We’re [inaudible - 19:07] like this doesn’t have a growth mindset.

COACH CASS
No. Exactly. And that’s not the person for you.

JAMES
And that’s another conversation to that.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly. So at the base of the base, I need you to get with someone a growth mindset because if you’re working with me, obviously, you have a growth mindset, period.

JAMES
You have, yeah.

COACH CASS
So if you just have that person that wants to sit on a couch and watch Roseanne or whatever for the rest of eternity, that's probably not the person for you.

JAMES
Even if it is consistent. [Laughter]

ROB
So you told about what pet-peeves, right? So one of mine I is someone looking for control all the time or everything has to be in exchange.

JAMES
Oh yeah.

COACH CASS
Oh so if you like make the bed, you have to cook dinner”?

ROB
That type of stuff. I really like--

JAMES
Score.

ROB
Right, keeping score.

COACH CASS
Tit for tat.

ROB
Yeah. We talked about this. We had another episode called, “Black, Love and Marriage” and… We’re going to talk about this more so we want to have you back on the show. I’m going to be doing this conversation.

JAMES
Oh yeah.

ROB
We’re going to do this on a regular basis. I like it. So in that conversation, one of our co-hosts, Ameshia… This is her philosophy, too, that she… She might want your coaching services or she might not. I’m sorry. I don’t know. By anyway-- [Laughter]

COACH CASS
That’s a good thing. That’s a good thing. That’s a good thing.

ROB
She agreed with me in this analogy that women tend to want to date horizontally or up when it comes to their income level. Is that fair or should that be… Is that a reasonable expectation or is that just one of your pet-peeves that need… Is that something you should have as a measure?

COACH CASS
No. It’s all about the growth mindset. Sometimes, we just have not afforded the opportunities. My husband has tripled in his income his we’ve married. Not that he was a poor man when we got together but… Literally, you tended yourself to the right person and you grow. So maybe they just needed you in their life to get this done. You know what I mean?

JAMES
Isn’t that the goal -- you want to get with somebody that together you guys can accomplish more than you could individually?

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly. So let’s say, you meet a starving artist but then you’re a marketer and you can market whatever they do and they get to the next level. So I wouldn’t say, at the end of the day, it’s how much money they make right now. “What’s the vision? What’s the plan? What’s the execution” and see where that’s going. I’m not saying that you need to be the person because that’s another thing, right? Women in control will pick up projects. I don’t want you doing projects. I believe in evangelism but you ain’t going to save everybody. It’s not an evangelistic dating.

[CROSSTALKING -- INDISCERNIBLE] [21:27]

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

ROB
That’s the [transition - 21:28] I want to get to. How does one measure potential in growth particularly when--

COACH CASS
Execution.

ROB
We’re at a stage where we’re… None of us are old but none of us are… We’re not 25. So if you’re in this range and you say someone should have shown some steps towards growth or something, how do you say… When you’re talking to your women, what’s the tangible measurement?

COACH CASS
It’s the conversation.

ROB
Okay.

COACH CASS
It’s the conversation. What’s the conversation about? What’s the person doing with their time? You could see people by their daily agenda. Success is hidden in the daily agenda. What do they do with their day?

JAMES
I think what you really hit on this is what you see because people have a lot of excuses. You got to be careful.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

JAMES
I just want to say I see none of them are here.

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
You got to be real careful. But you have to listen. People will tell a lot if you do listen and then you really listen to what they say and how they say it. But also, what do you see in the day-to-day? And that tells you a lot about the person.

I look at it, oftentimes… It’s almost like a partnership in the sense of a business -- like in the business of life. Like I want to [put a tag- 22:28] little about my life and then have a certain level of fulfillment and things like that. So I’m going to vet a person who I want on that journey with me. Then I’m not just saying, “Oh boo, what do you want to do for dinner?” I’m doing all that, too, because you got to live. But there are other things that you’re looking for in that and saying, “Yeah, this is the person I want to tether myself to and grow with.”

There are a lot of things you have to look for for that because, otherwise, the growth mindset thing is mind-blowing. Maybe because it’s like, if you have a growth mindset and you don’t have somebody else or your partner doesn’t have a growth mindset, then it’s going to stifle you. You’re going to resent that person because you have all these stuff to talk about or that you’re thinking about and you’re trying to go to them with it and “ah.” You’re blowing my mind over that.

COACH CASS
Wooh-hooh. So just on that, respect. As men, you want to be respected, right?

ROB
Correct.

COACH CASS
I have specifically have a client right now that you made me think of. She earns seven figures. How many men does that?

ROB
Most all…

COACH CASS
Exactly.

ROB
…by definition. [Laughter]

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
1% of the population.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly. But they’re together and they’re happy. She respects him. So that’s also something else that I talk to my women about, I coach them through, is, “How do you still give the respect to someone that you’re with that can’t always pay the bill?” So you may be paying the bill but can you pass in your card? Can he still pay the bill? You know what I mean?

In the grand scheme of things, if it’s somebody you’re going to be with for life, what is money? So money is just a tool to have different experiences. So if you’re still having the same experiences that you love, okay, it might be coming out of your account before you get married but it will be joint. Right?

ROB
Right.

JAMES
Right.

COACH CASS
So just being able to still have that respect when you’re with your man in public, having conversations with… you know. So you show that respect is the biggest piece. Money isn’t equal to his worth nor is it equal to yours. So it’s really detaching from that which is hard.

JAMES
Nice.

COACH CASS
I have another one who is a retiree. So that was a whole… Who are you now that you’re no longer in the military, no longer doing… Now you’re just traveling the world. So how do you have a conversation with people? “I’m location-independent.” Like not everybody is able to retire… She’s 50.

ROB
Oh wow.

JAMES
Wow.
COACH CASS
Right now, she’s spending three months in South Africa and then she’s going somewhere else. And she’s got a man who travels as well now with her. Like she found somebody that’s on her level in terms of travel and mindset. So no, he's not retired because that's kind of tough to find somebody at 50 that can just kick it because they have real estate and whatever. You know what I mean?

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
But that’s still amazing. So it’s all about the mindset and how you have those conversations and still the respect in the relationship.

JAMES
Oh that’s amazing -- the respect. Let me just say this real quick. It actually is something that is how it’s reflected to the outside, too, because it’s not just you showing the respect internally, it’s you showing your surroundings that there’s respect there, too.

Oftentimes, you see that even with men and women, if somebody cheats on somebody, a lot of times, the thing that hurts the most is all of her peers or all of his peers seeing them. They’re like, “Oh man, that person doesn’t respect you.”

COACH CASS
Yes.

ROB
It’s public embarrassment for that.

JAMES
It’s internal and external. So it’s really… when you said, “Pass the card” or any of that, that’s very interesting stuff. You have studied this.

COACH CASS
Yeah.

ROB
Oh she studied this. She’s a pro.

COACH CASS
I studied full, baby. I studied full.

ROB
When you add race on top of this, Black women--

COACH CASS
Black women.

ROB
Let’s just say they want Black men, too. There are some realities there that there are a lot less Black men, period. What’s your evaluation to say like… because I know a lot of Black women and women, in general, I know, they want a man that’s in a certain level, certain height, too -- 6’1” --

COACH CASS
You’re taken, right?

ROB
Yes. [Laughter]

ROB
So what’s your advice there when you talk to people?

COACH CASS
It’s tough, right? I’ve had women say, “I don’t know what to do with the white man.” But they’re men just like anybody else. I know many interracial couples that are happy but I realized the climate of our country. So in the metropolitan areas, it might be seen as cool but you get to the sticks, and it’s like, “Ah, what’s going on?”

ROB
There’s still, “Ah…” That’s still going, yeah.

COACH CASS
Yeah, which is so sad. And I ask my interracial couples this often, like, “How is it” and they’re like, “Well you know, when we go back to the hometown, we do get looks at times. It is a little crazy.” I’m like, “Wow. That’s still going on.”

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
But at the same time, you’re literally X-ing out everybody except for the one guy that fits this requirement and you wonder why you’re single. You’re looking for a needle in the haystack.

ROB
Yeah.

JAMES
Yeah.
COACH CASS
Right? So for me, it’s like your morals, your values, your mindset, like that matters more. What’s your outlook? What do you want in life and can you complement each other? That’s more important than the color that you were born into because none of us chose the color of our skin unless you went to a tanning bed.

ROB
Oh I agree. I think addition that we ask, as long as he respects who you are… It goes back to the same thing, right, because there has to be some respect for who you are, your culture, your--

COACH CASS
An entry, right?

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
So let’s say white man, he has to be interested in understanding [your plight - 27:45].

ROB
Correct.

COACH CASS
As a Black woman, always called the “Angry Black women, always question, “Can I touch you hair?” Like if one person ask me if the can they touch it, ah!

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
So you do have to be open to understanding the culture.

ROB
Understanding your spouse and the culture. No question.

COACH CASS
I’m specifically thinking of a couple, a Black man who is a Black man and a white woman who is a white women. So it’s not like she’s a Black girl on inside or he’s a white boy on inside. [Laughter] You know, there’s nothing--

ROB
There’s no great [inaudible - 28:10] out there.

COACH CASS
No. They are truly who they are and they are happily married. They just have their own quirks. Like she believes in fairies and unicorns… and so do I. She’s real funny. And then he’s like, [indiscernible - 28:23], you know. She’s so funny. She’s like, “I don’t what that is. I’ve never seen Coming to America.” “What? No way.”

JAMES
Wow.

COACH CASS
It’s crazy. “I got to add movie night.” She’s show you Coming to America but she’s open. It’s just so beautiful to see that dynamic. And they actually are therapists and they help couples…

ROB
Wow.

JAMES
Wow.

ROB
That’s awesome.

COACH CASS
…in terms of their relationship.

ROB
So speaking about changing kind of mindsets and changing narratives, we talked pre-this podcast about how you wanted to really create an experience for your daughter because she didn’t have any images, specifically princess images. So talk about that.

COACH CASS
Well let’s say, Once Upon a Time… Let’s talk about it.

ROB
Let’s talk about it.

COACH CASS
So let me tell you. My daughter was turning three and I wanted to have a birthday party for her. And she was specifically watching one princess on a certain station and she watched over a hundred episodes of this princess and I noticed that… Yes, the main character is white and she has a Black friend but my daughter was not remembering that Black friend’s name or any of the other culturally inclusive images that they had--

ROB
You got to have at least one Black friend.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
At least one then you’re cool.

COACH CASS
They sprinkle it like one episode a season, right? [Laughter] So then I’m like, “Okay, well maybe this Black friend has a birthday [sis - 29:40].” So I’m looking. I’m looking. I’m looking. No. Because I thought about it. I said, “Okay. At her preschool, we’re going to do our first party. Do I do the white princess? I need to represent the Black princess because little white girls are not going to have a Black princess party.”

So this is also a thing of representation. I need the other little kids to see a pretty Black princess. So I’m like, “All right, how am I going to do this?” All right? So I’m looking. I’m looking. I’m looking. Tiana. Let’s find Tiana. Couldn’t find Tiana. I’m like, “This is crazy.” Like, “I don’t see anything.”

So I ended up saying, “This is not it.” There’s no little Black princess. And all of my friends say, “Tiana was a princess but she was a frog for the majority of the movie.” And nobody remembers the songs because it wasn’t a hit… just wasn’t good. Frozen is awesome.

ROB
Everybody knows Frozen.

COACH CASS
Everybody know the songs that was made from Broadway.

JAMES
You can to try to shoehorn Moana in there.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly, you know.

ROB
And they have one in African but everybody was [indiscernible - 30:36]. Go ahead.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

ROB
It’s true.

COACH CASS
That it was all [indiscernible - 30:40].

ROB
Yeah. We got to hear Beyoncé but she’s a lion. Go ahead.

COACH CASS
[Inaudible - 30:43]. [Laughter] So when it came to a little Black princess, I realized that there was none. So I decided that’s what I need to do. I need to create a little Black princess for my little girl. So I am on a mission to create an impact here, right?

If you check my Instagram @inspiremany, if you check my Instagram, I have a highlight video where I go to all the major department stores and just go to the princess section and to the knight clothes section and to the other sections. Nothing with a brown girl -- 100% white. And I’m like, “Okay, so our country is diverse,” I thought. The best I got was a little purple vampire person.

ROB
It’s diverse but there’s no equity.

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly. And that just made me so sad. Some people did challenge me and say, “Well maybe because the Black people are not buying.” But I’m like… at the same--

ROB
We buy. We’re suppliers.

COACH CASS
Yeah. Exactly. Do we spend like trillions?

ROB
I think it’s about $20 trillion -- with a “T.”

COACH CASS
$20 trillion in stuff. So it’s like, “Okay, let me start to think about it.” When my daughter gets some gifts, little white princesses. Even the Black people are buying my daughter little white princesses. And I’m like, “This is just messed up.”

So the biggest part of what made me say “I want to do this” is I went to lunch with my girlfriend and her husband and I looked out my phone, I said, “I’m working on a little black princess to represent my daughter, Ava,” and she said, “Okay. Let me see it.” And Ava says, “Let me see. Let me see. Let me see.” And she goes, “Mm” and she puts down my phone and she looks at her hands and she looks back at the phone. She said, “I don't want this one, mommy. I want the other one. I want the white one.” So that little fire. [Laughter]

So right now I’m working on a storyline of… I’m working on pitching it to a major network. I’m not doing this the play-play way. I really want this to be… I would like it to be about the money -- let me not even say that -- but it's also about the impact that I want all children--

ROB
We can do both.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
I want all children to see a cool Black princess that they want to be. I want to see little white girls with the Black girl princess outfit on saying, “I want to be Princess Zara” -- and that’s the name of my princess.

ROB
Guess what? Black people start… We talked about this, too. Black people start trends anyway.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
We're here at Art Basel. About a billion dollars in arts is going to be sold this weekend. Very little that will be Black art. It’s just the truth, right? But Black art really rules the world. Hip-hop is going on everywhere. There’s a group called “CrazyEightyEight” -- they're in Asia -- and they sound like somebody in Brooklyn except they’re just Asians.

COACH CASS
Oh that K-pop-type stuff?

ROB
Yeah. The point is we set trends but now we need to get value for the trends that we are setting.

COACH CASS
Exactly.
ROB
So I’m glad you're doing this. Final question for you.

COACH CASS
Oh final question? Oh snap.

ROB
Oh yeah, we have a couple more, just to get some rapid fire in. What's an important truth that you have, maybe you give your clients, that many people might not even agree with you on initially or just regularly? Any important truth you hold that people are like, “That's crazy.”

COACH CASS
“Important truth?”

JAMES
The most resistance on trying to explain things or trying to bring people along.

ROB
Like you say, “This is something I believe.” People are like, “Well I don't understand why you believe that.”

COACH CASS
Oh well a lot of my women are over 40, over 50 so online dating for them is like a foreign language. They’re like, “I’m not doing that.”

ROB
You totally embrace it?

COACH CASS
Yeah. How else are you going to meet somebody? You’re at home. You go to work and you go home. You watch Netflix and chill by yourself and you’re at work. And that’s the routine. You might do community service. You might go to church. You might volunteer. But eh, you’re really at home then you go to work. So outside of that, you’re not hanging out.

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
You just not.

ROB
Okay.

COACH CASS
So online dating is the biggest thing that I am an advocate for because literally, you're able to swipe like resumes through an app to see what you might like. And you can have a conversation to say, “Okay, we could take this to a coffee or to a chicken or to a dance” but other than that, going to the supermarket and standing by the cash register and looking around... you know.

ROB
It’s not going to work. “I’ll stay here hoping it works.”

COACH CASS
I get my I get my groceries shipped. Less and less people are going into stores so for you to find the one needle in the haystack, 6’3”, blah-blah-blah, that likes puppies--

ROB
Who is not a college divorcee. You just can’t go [crosstalk] [indiscernible - 35:19] just hope people are coming. It's not happening, you know.

COACH CASS
Exactly.

ROB
Nobody’s coming. You got to go put yourself out there.

COACH CASS
Where did you meet?

ROB
What’s that?

COACH CASS
Where did you meet your special someone?

ROB
Oh that’s funny. [Indiscernible - 35:30]. [Laughter]

COACH CASS
Boom!

ROB
Yeah, she did. And I’ll tell you... I think she saw my profile and reached out as a business point of view. [But I don’t think for fun - 35:42]. You’re right. I write a profile. It’s like, okay, yeah. [Inaudible - 35:48], so… Then we met.

JAMES
You found love again.

ROB
So you’re right, online. You’re right.

[CROSSTALKING – INDISCERNIBLE] [35:53]

COACH CASS
Rob, is that it?

JAMES
And I’m no fad. I’ve been with my wife since 2002. We got married in 2008.

COACH CASS
And where did you meet?

JAMES
When we met initially, we were both in [Aprose - 36:06] which is an internship program.

COACH CASS
Nice.

JAMES
I saw her on the street and just approached her.

COACH CASS
Wow.

ROB
Yeah, that’s how he is. He’s just going to go.

JAMES
It was in the context that we were all interns and stuff like that. But that goes way back.

COACH CASS
But then it's also at work, right?

ROB
Correct.

COACH CASS
Listen, I’m not opposed to it but I’d rather you be very sure before you do anything physical.

ROB
It's hard though.

JAMES
I think work is a bad… She didn’t work at the same place that I did.

[CROSSTALKING – INDISCERNIBLE] [36:47]

ROB
Work is a bad idea. But you also understand how it happens because if… Go back to what you said -- “You're not going out more.” You want to see in-person. You’re like, “Oh that person is attractive.” You see him all the time. And relationship--

JAMES
See all the time, yeah.

COACH CASS
I need you to be 100% sure that [inaudible - 36:51], yes.

ROB
You have to be 1000% sure.

COACH CASS
Yes.

ROB
And you got to tell HR before you can visit him. That’s what I--

JAMES
But the exit plan, it affects your life in so many different ways. Most relationships don't add, in fact, work. And that doesn't mean everything has to be very sour at the end but you say--

ROB
But it does get sour at work. Now you got something that’s interfering with your money.

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
Then people start cleaving off so many segments of society that they can't mess with. Then you do end up in a position where maybe work is an option.

ROB
I never did.
JAMES
It’s tough. Yeah, I always [inaudible - 37:24].

ROB
I never did work. I wasn’t even messing with clients or industry. I was kind of a little bit… Because you know… I won’t say I never would but like I never have because it’s like… It was just too much. Too many risks. It’s not worth it.

COACH CASS
Right. It’s a lot of risk.

ROB
It goes south and then… why?

COACH CASS
It’s a lot of risk… where we bring back to online dating. There’s only like 15… 50 options.

ROB
But you got to pick the right… Let’s [inaudible - 37:50] a little bit. Pick the right ones, too, because I never did online dating in terms of getting on a service or something because I’m a high profile. I was running for public office. I just say, “I don’t know if I can be seen on a date.”

COACH CASS
[Inaudible] - 38:01]. I met my husband online.

JAMES
Oh wow.

ROB
On a dating website?

COACH CASS
Uh-huh.

ROB
Yeah. But you know, she’s not… Well [inaudible - 38:07] rules have changed. Look who’s in the White House. But I guess… I don’t know. [Laughter] I mean maybe. Maybe I can be okay. The rules might have changed. I don’t know.

COACH CASS
Yes.

ROB
I’m still Black though. I don't know. I think it might be applied to me. [Laughter]

COACH CASS
Yeah. [Inaudible - 38:20] the resistance.

JAMES
You said it. What you get the most resistance on?

COACH CASS
Yeah, online dating.

JAMES
You got it.

COACH CASS
Look at this. [Laughter] But you got somebody so I won’t even… because you know what it would have been like? “All right, let’s set up your profile right now.”

ROB
This is probably going… Well we will go there. I think it's different for men though.

COACH CASS
Mm.

ROB
For a Black men over a certain age, a certain profile is a little different.

JAMES
In what way? You can’t just say that.

ROB
Yeah, I know. [Inaudible - 38:47] because like--

COACH CASS
That’s how you turn and end the episode. [Laughter]

ROB
I see what she means. I mean it’s different because I found that over 37 and… meet a lot of those profiles, it’s easy to tell which women are interested. Sometimes, you can just kind of… without them directly saying it because you can just tell. Like you’re online and by coverage. You get stuff like that, you know.

COACH CASS
Oh you’re saying like on social media?
COACH CASS
Same when you go out. You know, you go out, it’s kind of the same thing though.

ROB
True.

JAMES
Like you go in and you walk in the room, you got everything together, you can tell to who is [peeping - 39:22] and everything like that.

COACH CASS
So then it’s also personality thing. Some women I have also are anti-approaching men, right -- “Anti.” But I specifically have a friend that has never approached a woman. He's just not that guy.

JAMES
Really.

COACH CASS
100% of the time, women have approached him. He’s married. His woman approached him. And he still proposed. But literally, his personality type is not to approach, right? And then some people are just introverts.

ROB
That wasn’t my personality type. I can just tell… [Indiscernible - 39:52]

COACH CASS
Yeah. Right?

JAMES
That’s the piece that I always feel under-accounted for is that people are different. Everybody is different.

COACH CASS
Yeah.

ROB
Yeah, everybody is different.

JAMES
A lot of times, people want to shoehorn what they think--

COACH CASS
Right. A man could approach.

JAMES
Exactly. They think either their partner should be or what society expects and not really looking at, “What matters to me.” And if you’re not looking at what matters to you then you’re setting yourself up for failure because all these things that you think you want or that you’re telling yourself you want, you can find all that and be in a relationship and be unhappy. Those aren’t the things that really… they drive at home.

ROB
The challenge with that, James… I agree with everything you said. The challenge with that is it is hard for people to overcome what other people think of what they should be doing because they just… Well they probably that… You have to pretty much reject that. And people want to be seen as following the norm. And that gets them in trouble because you’re going to follow a norm and be unhappy.

COACH CASS
My last summit, one of the biggest themes that came up was, “If it doesn’t work out, it’s okay.”

JAMES
Nice.

COACH CASS
Because a part of us don’t want to hurt again.

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
We don’t want to go through this again.

JAMES
You put yourself out there.

COACH CASS
Exactly.

ROB
Exactly.

COACH CASS
And then we reject it. Like, it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. Because you had a 20-year relationship, you just think the next thing is it and it may not be and it’s okay. It’s okay if that doesn’t work out. This is just somebody you’re seeking to kick in with. Literally, I say that all the time. You just want to see if you could kick it with the person because if you turn in 97, you got to be able to kick it. Like, “Can we KK? Can we kick back? Can we have fun” because stuff doesn’t always work. You know what I mean?

ROB
Yeah. Most stuff doesn’t.

COACH CASS
Can you actually have fun with this person?

ROB
You can do three things. You should explore, like you said, then eliminate then only execute on a few. There you go.

COACH CASS
Mm-hmm.

ROB
In terms of actually making full term commitment in time.

COACH CASS
Yeah. Yeah.

JAMES
So my question for you is, “How does…” In terms of either the service you provide or the advice that you offer and context that you provide to people, how does sex come in to that in terms of…

ROB
That’s a great question.

JAMES
…what people… because that’s another place where expectations don’t always match up with reality. And also, people aren’t always honest with themselves about what they want or the type of things that they want.

ROB
I completely agree with that.

COACH CASS
And where do people learn about sex? Porn, you know.

ROB
That’s true.

COACH CASS
Seriously, your parents don’t say, “Okay, well this is our goal.” Nobody’s parents sit down and say, “Okay, baby, this is how sex works.”

JAMES
“Try this and it will make [crosstalk]--

[CROSSTALKING -- INDISCERNIBLE] [42:19]

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

JAMES
“You do that. Don’t do that because...”

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
…because--

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
“They’ll never call you back. Don’t do that.”

COACH CASS
Your daddy and your mama are not sitting down and teach you about what intricate sex is.

JAMES
They won’t, generally, going to be very sexual around you.

COACH CASS
Right.

ROB
Correct.

COACH CASS
Exactly. And if they are then that’s a whole ‘nother thing, right? [Laughter] Like, “Mama, I don’t want to see this,” right? We’re worked as a society. We are over-sexualized. The majority of men are addicted to porn and then that sets up false expectations in relationships.

ROB
I agree.

COACH CASS
And people don’t talk about it, right? So that is one of the questions in my Love Deck and it’s something to talk about. Some people are like, “Look, I don’t want to be hurt again so I don’t want to open up like that. And if I do then I think you’re my husband,” right?

ROB
Right.

COACH CASS
At the end of the day, right?

JAMES
Mm-hmm.

COACH CASS
And some people are like, “I just want to be Zeke the Freak, right?

JAMES
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

ROB
Yeah.

COACH CASS
So it’s just being able to have that conversation and then go step-by-step. My husband and I, we want to an intimacy retreat because at the end of the day--

JAMES
Mm.

COACH CASS
Right? I’m taught as a Christian woman. You keep your legs closed. But as soon as you get married, boom, you know. Scream from the ceiling. Woh-hoh.

[INDISCERNIBLE] [43:30]

COACH CASS
Right? And it’s just like, “What?” Right?

JAMES
Mm.
COACH CASS
We’re taught all of our live never to get pregnant and then all of a sudden, “Oh, it’s okay now.” “Oh it’s okay? I’m supposed to just be okay with getting pregnant?” But just all my life--

ROB
We’re going to have another whole conversation about this. But I do want to say this: I think church sets up unrealistic expectations that half time they only follow.

COACH CASS
It’s tough.

ROB
You tell people you're doing this but then everybody knows you doing something else and it's like you're setting up false expectations and not being real with people.

JAMES
And that's really a disservice because… One thing I talk about just with friends is that you need to know like your own appetite. Like if you have a pretty big appetite then you may be shouldn't be looking for the “good girl” that doesn’t… I say “good girl” like in quotes, like the, “Oh…” you know. You may meet somebody that also has an appetite. If you don’t, if your a person that’s more reserved and that’s not something that’s a big deal to you then maybe the person you get, they shouldn’t be around your leg every five minutes because you’re not going to match up with them on that.

COACH CASS
But then I do know another couple where, literally, this… They’re husband and wife now, right? He was her first boyfriend. He was her first kiss. He was her first everything. She is the freak of the week. Now they’re married.

ROB
Well it worked out

JAMES
It worked out, yeah.

COACH CASS
So it worked out. You just never know.

ROB
But do you want to think [that would last - 44:50]?

COACH CASS
And then there’s people who had been molested--

[LAUGHTER]

COACH CASS
There’s people that had been molested. They’re grades one and six, one and three, when it comes to women and men.

ROB
Yes.

JAMES
Yeah.

ROB
Correct.

COACH CASS
So people have all types of things that they’ve been through. So literally, it’s a conversation and it’s a delicate dance.

JAMES
Yeah.

ROB
It is.

COACH CASS
So for my husband and I--

JAMES
And there’s so much trust that’s needed. I tell people, like I said… as you point out, may not be overly experienced. They’re doing all these stuff. But once there was a trust… They’re open to stuff once there’s something there. But that’s very difficult.

COACH CASS
Right. But then a big part of that comes back to their emotions especially for women, right?

JAMES
Yeah.

COACH CASS
So if you’re not asking me about my day, if you’re not saying, “Baby, you’re beautiful,” if you’re not helping me with the kids, how [inaudible - 45:30] going to be sex that night when you’re not pouring [inaudible - 45:33]?

ROB
Be like, “Come on. Let’s go.” Like, “What?”

COACH CASS
Right. Exactly.

JAMES
It usually stimulate [inaudible - 45:38] and some women are more emotionally stimulated. That’s a natural… you know, missed that people have to try to bridge that gap.

COACH CASS
Man, this is exactly why I have a membership pillow because… [Laughter] Listen, you getting in the relationship doesn’t mean you can maintain the relationship, right?

ROB
Oh no.

JAMES
That’s the point I think that… You know, a lot of times we talk about people helping people and it’s like… people, “I’ll help you get a man.”

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
When we sat down, like, “Man, this is kind of like the movie, Hitched.”

COACH CASS
Right.

JAMES
But it’s like what you do is much more than that because you teach people how to succeed in relationships, which is really… You know, that’s where the rubber meets the road. A lot of women can tell you how to [inaudible - 46:16] with somebody like for a day but how do you try to make it last? I mean that’s the--

COACH CASS
Right. I’m kind of like, “Hitched,” to hook you up, Oprah to give you a hug and then Eon [inaudible - 46:27] slap you around where you say, “Hey--“

JAMES
All right. All right.

ROB
That’s a good ending.

JAMES
I love it. I love it.

ROB
That is a good ending. That’s good.

JAMES
Yes.

ROB
Coach Cass will be back on Disruption next time. You can check out… -- What are your handles?

COACH CASS
Oh handles? @inspiremany on Instagram. “Ask Coach Cass” on Facebook.

ROB
All right, Coach Cass.

JAMES
Thank you very much.

COACH CASS
“inspiremany” -- I-N-S-P-I-R-E-M-A-N-Y. “inspiremany”

ROB
There you go. Thank you for coming on.

COACH CASS
Thanks for having me.

JAMES
Oh yeah, thank you.

COACH CASS
See you, guys.

JAMES
It’s a pleasure.

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]